dutch 69

2006-03-03T17:40:00.000-05:00

Viable Engelbrecht

About this time last year I had gone to visit Jonny, Elizabeth, and Elliot. Just before I left, Elizabeth referred to me as "Uncle Mark". She was the first person to say that to me and it really touched me that she was saying that in reference to her son.

As of last Friday, my sister in-law was three months pregnant. I found out the first week, but it didn't start to really hit me till this week. Mike and Christine went public with their great news, and lots of people at work have called me Uncle Mark this week. It's really cool to think that my brother is gonna be a father. It kinda blew my mind when Jonny was going through this, but for some reason it's crazier to think about MY BROTHER as a DAD. I know he and Christine will be great parents. But this is the guy that used to walk down the hall pretending to be a robot and scare the crap out of me.

2006-02-20T14:16:00.000-05:00

Better work environment

Nate: American telemarketers are moving to India because they'll get paid better.....(after some silence)... I don't know where I got that... (group laughs)... I got that from the homeless man in the parking lot that bums ciggerettes off of me.

Me: He gives you some knowledge, you buy him some shoes. (only Nicole laughs)

Nicole: I can't believe you just threw that out there.

Me: Go-head Mr. Wendel.

2006-02-20T09:58:00.000-05:00

Cat sitting

I rush up the stairs and fumble with my keys. I get to the door, and let myself in with the alarm code repeating on my lips. I punch in the numbers and nothing happens, so I try again. The alarm goes off and the cats are running and hiding, but they can't escape the sound. I call Matt's cell and I get Lori.

Me: Hey, I don't remember the code and I left my cheat-sheet at home. The cats are going nuts.

Lori: (laughing) it's ...(she tells me the code)

Me: (punching in the code) Sorry to bug you, what do I need to do? Are the cops gonna show up?

Lori: Well, the alarm company is gonna call and you will need to talk to them and then a cop may still come by to check things.

Me: Ok, well (phone rings)... I guess that is the alarm company.

Picking up the house phone, I have the alarm people in one ear and Lori in the other. Lori is feeding me lines to respond to the alarm people. The call ends.

Me: I'll just hang out for a bit to see if the police showup. I'll call you when that happens or in 20 or 30 minutes when I leave.

Lori: Ok, later dude.

I sit down and mess with the remote controls until I am able to turn off the radio, and turn on the TV. As I am switching between Diehard 3 and Abyss, there is a knock at the door. It's been about 20 minutes since I got off the phone with Lori. I answer the door.

Officer T: We had a call that the alarm went off is everything alright?

Me: Yes officer, I am here to feed the cats and I for got the alarm code.

Officer T: Do you have any ID?

Me: Yes, ( getting out me wallet) I have the owners on my phone, want to talk to them? (I hand the officer my NCDL and dial Matt's cell)

Officer: Yes.

I hand the officer the phone as soon as it begins to ring. I here Matt answer and the officer asks if I am supposted to be in thier unit. At this point I being to wonder if Matt will take this opportunity to fuck with me. Matt tells the officer that it's ok. Mean while, the entire time I am playing goalie of the door, trying to keep one of the cats from greeting the officer. The officer hands me the phone.

Me: Do you want to come in to check things out? Or can I come out, I am worried that the cats will get out.

The officer steps in as he makes notes for a minute or two and then hands me my ID.

Officer T: Have a good evening.

Me: Ok, you too.

2005-12-26T23:55:00.000-05:00

Early Twenties VS. Early Thirties

It's 11:00pm on a Monday night. While watching a DVD from NetFlix and drinkin' a beer I started to crave a burger. Well the guy on TV was eating a HUGH burger and it looked sooooo good, that I would call it GROOD. That’s GReat + gOOD. Know what I’m sayin'?

So I in my twenties I would have gone out or rather been out with my boyz (yes I know I used a Z, and I'm white) and had a burger with my beer. Now I'm not sayin' that I don't do that now, but back then it would have been a MORE regular occurrence. So tonight as I feel the craving take hold I walk to my fridge for another beer and think about that burger.

I pop the top on a beer and take a drink. I then make a Multi-grain bagel with low fat turkey, 2% cheddar cheese, baby spinach leaves, and a little bit of a ginger dressing, sandwich. It was a DAMN GROOD sandwich by the way.

2005-12-07T17:56:00.000-05:00

The Cock of the walk.

Since I was give the award mention in the prior post, I have had a few people comment about it at work: "don't let it go to your head", "you can stop sucking up you already won", "he's to good to say hi now", "oh look greatness has blessed us", etc…. It’s just my co-worker ragging my ass, as I would expect.

Today I observed a training session because I am going to be one of the new trainers. As things rapped up I walk around the room with a large trash bag and emptied small trashcans and took trash off of tables. I had tucked my tie into my shirt so that I would not get any cola, fruit juice, or ranch-dip on it.

I come to the table of a woman that I used to see every day, but her office moved to another part of the building a few weeks ago. She looked at me as I ask, "are you done with this stuff?" She replies, "well aren't you all high and mighty now." I just say "what?" She continues with, "Mr. Spirit Award winner, Mr. big shot. Don’t let it go to your head." I hold open the trash bag, and drop her plate of half-eaten cookies, fruit, and chips in. Then I reply "I'll try to keep both feet on the ground."

2005-11-18T13:42:00.000-05:00

Nina Lyon Spirit Award

November 11th, all libraries were close for Veterans Day and so that the entire staff of PLCMC could have an ALL STAFF DAY! It's basically a day when we can all come together to hear speakers, have lunch, more speakers, and then recognize various staff member for their achievements.

We recognized staff for there years of service and achievements. I was one of two winners of the Nina Lyon Spirit Award:

The Nina Lyon Memorial Fund was established through the generosity of David Lyon, in memory of his wife, Main Library Services Director, Nina Lyon, who died in January of 1996. Nina was the spirit – some have said "the heartbeat" of this Library. Her passion of libraries and librarianship, her loyalty to this institution and her enthusiasm for life were unique. A generation of library employees were influenced and inspired by her example, one of total commitment to the Library's mission. For our patrons, she was the embodiment of the very best in public service, establishing a standard of excellence to which all institutions should aspire.

Income from the Nina Lyon Memorial Fund supports the presentation of an annual cash award to a member of the PLCMC staff. The award, known as "The Nina Lyon Spirit Award," is presented in recognition of an individual who has demonstrated in the delivery of library service to our public, the spirit, enthusiasm, dedication, and commitment exhibited by Nina Lyon in carrying out the Library's mission.

Eligibility: An employee, other that the director, who has completed one full year of service at the time of nomination; who has not previously been selected for this award or as employee of the year award since 1989; and who has been recognized at least once during the year under the Library's Employee Award and Recognition system (i.e., G.E.M., Continuous Improvement Initiative (RISE), Director’s Award), ie eligible to receive the award.

The recipient of the nina Lyon Spirit Award will receive a $500.00 cash award. The name of the recipient will be added to a permanent recognition plaque that is displayed at the Main Library. The Winner will be recognized during the year's All Staff Day.

Profile of the Nina Lyon Spirit Award Recipient:

Embodies the true spirit of Service Excellence and conveys that in all aspects of their work
Understands the mission of the Library and strives to carry that forward through personal initiative
Understands problems and sees solutions by taking action to accomplish whatever needs to be done to remove barriers and continuously improve service
Is an effective team player, open to taking responsibility and serving as a contributing member of a work team, committee, special project or event group
Demonstrates an exemplary commitment to the customer, promoting a perception of trust and confidence in the Library
Consistently displays a positive attitude and willingness to listen and learn
Is willing to go the extra mile to ensure customer satisfaction, consistently meeting and/or exceeding customer expectations in terms of valued delivered

So that was me this year. Pretty cool huh?

2005-10-31T21:00:00.000-05:00

Busy guy

Friday night I had been out kinda late with friends. So when my alarm went off Saturday morning at 7:30, I was not a happy camper. I was supposed to help my Little brother and his family move, and be at their place by 8:30. I showered to both wake myself, and wash away any of the bar stink that may have lingered.

I stopped for coffee and a breakfast sandwich, at this cool deli down the street. I told the girl I wanted a “Rise-n-shine” and a large coffee. She told me it comes with a small coffee and then paused. I looked at her like she was speaking a different language or something, because she then asks “do you just want to up-grade?” I said “yes please, I like to shake thing ups now and then.”

The move went very well. By 12:15 we were done with all the heavy stuff. As hard as I had been working all morning I had no problem ditching them to go home and do laundry.

For a fresh new scent in your laundry, leave a Burt’s Bees chap stick in a pocket.

I met a friend for a short walk in the park and then I headed home to meet Cindy for dinner and drinks. I got a flat tire on the way home. So I was a bit late. Because of a conversation I have had with her earlier in the week, I knew that I didn’t want to pursue anything beyond “friends”. So we had a quick, but clear talk at dinner and then continued the night with drinking and playing pool.

I came home and opened a netflix, 25th Hour. I watched for a while then when to bed. I had not changed my clocks so the time read 2:15am.

2005-10-20T20:26:00.000-04:00

Tired

There are all of these words throbbing in my chest. Each one is ready to burst out of my chest like an alien. Each one has the possibility to ruin or save me.

Right now I sit at work, knowing that I have a test at 8am, tomorrow morning. I’m not worried it’s just that there is no more I can do to prepare. I just want it over with. Like so many things I want to charge into it and face the outcome. I hate the waiting. Tonight at work I have done 40 push-ups, 100 sit-ups with a 3-count hold on each, and that has not given me any relief.

2005-10-16T14:24:00.000-04:00

Resume being the upright pain in the balls that graced us all last summer

Yesterday I had a late Lunch with John C. Reilly. Actually him and his family. Actually I was sitting at the table next to them in front of the uptown fancy-pants grocery store. They had just been to the new children’s theater to see “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe”. One of John’s (note the first name basis) sons ask me if I liked the movie, and I said I have not seen it yet. John told his son that it was a play not a movie. The same son turned around and asked me if I like the play, I said I have not seen it but I heard it was good. I then asked him if he liked it, and he just asked me the same question, but rephrased it. I looked at John and smiled, he just gave me a nod and I said have a nice day. I got up and through away my trash the walked back to work.

After work I went home to ponder life, and eat some grapes. I got a call from Marcus and Stef that we are meeting at 8 to drink and play pool. Around 7:40 our friend Cindy called me because she was early and wasn’t sure if she was in the right place. I said that I was not ready to go, but I’d be there in a few minutes. She decided to come over to my place and pick me up. She has this thing about needing to always have her car, but she doesn’t know her way around so she wants people to ride with her.

I get myself put together, and then we head out. Marcus and Stef are at the bar when we get there. Now I suck at pool, but I think that out of are group I was one of the better players. I think it had something to do with the black t-shirt, which had the name Vincent printed in white across the front of the shirt, that I was wearing. It’s the way that I use it.

Cindy dropped me off a little after midnight. James got home shortly after that. He and I went out for drinks around 1am. He and I only had two rounds each then called it a night. Take a guess where we went.

2005-09-01T23:32:00.000-04:00

A Night Out With James & Mark

1 Gin and tonic and 2 Yinglings
James: [looking at a poster with the kid from Deliverance on it] Is that guy still alive? I mean, do you think that was make-up or was he really retarded?

Mark: He’s dead, dude.

J: What do you mean?

M: You can’t fake retarded.

2 Gin and tonic and 4Yinglings
M: [checking out the scene] I could never date a girl that has a stronger chin than me.

J: What do you mean, like she has her very own Chinaman?

3Gin and tonic and 5 Yinglings
[on the way to the car, we pass a couple]
M: Uh-yeah, I have a feelin’ she bought that shirt for him.

J: I don’t get it, there are so many decent-looking chics with oafish-looking guys…I could be that oafish guy.

M: Dude, I am that oafish guy.

2005-08-04T13:12:00.000-04:00

I wanted to destroy something beautiful

My family was living in Pueblo Colorado, and I was in Junior High. My mom was taking me to the mall to get my hair cut. This was a very normal occurrence. While we waited for my name to be called one of the women working at the barber shop walked over and talked to us and ran her hands through my hair, and kept telling me how much she “loved” it. She was in her early twenties (that’s a guess) and very attractive. The funny thing is she was the first woman/girl I had ever noticed. In those few moments I suddenly became aware that I am a guy and she is a girl and that I really liked her hands running through my hair. I also wanted my mom to go away. I didn’t understand any of this at the time, but I was becoming aware of the opposites sex. She ended up being the person who cut my hair that day. I have had the same hair style, and have been very aware of how my hair looks ever since. That is the hairstyle most of you know today.

Last night I got bored. I barrowed a large hair trimmer set from James without his knowledge. Got down on my knees on my bath floor and began to buzz my head using a number 3 guard. I did not stop till the there was a huge pile of hair on the trash bag which lay before me. I felt my head and my hair was shorter then it had ever been. I stood up to look in the mirror, but the reflection did not phase me. Instead I focused on the spots I missed and the returned to my knees to work a bit more. I repeated these steps till I was done. I jumped in the shower to wash off the excess hair. After I dried off and got dressed I returned to the mirror. This time the reflection shocked me. I stood there rubbing my head in wonder.

It’s been less than 24hrs and I am still rubbing my head in wonder.

2005-05-17T11:08:00.000-04:00

Captions for Elliot's May 1, 2005 pix.

Ok, ok dad, fine. It’s garnet not burgundy. Sheesh.

Whooooa man, that baby Einstein is trippin me out.

Oh, what a shock. Dads wearing yet another gamecocks t-shirt

Dude, if you drop that book I’ll totally open up a can of…

You’re the only one I can really talk to Mr. Spider

Mom that tickles. Do it again.

I love the Military Channel.

Ok, get this Mr. Spider, so then he said “it’s garnet not burgundy” haha hehe haha hehe

Hello? Mom? Dad? There’s something on my blanket.

IT’S GETTING CLOSER!

Look at you two, what a pair of knuckleheads.

You guys crack me up.

You won’t believe the stinker I just made.

2005-05-06T18:22:00.000-04:00

DOWN WITH PANTS!

I don’t think I have mentioned it but everyone in my department is new(ish) except me. So these names will be new to dutch69.

At work Tuesday this week:

Me: I got this Fucking hole in my pocket, see…
(I drop my keys into my pocket and the keys fall out next to my foot)
… what the fuck!?

Sarah: You know there is a sewing kit in the other office. If you took off your pants I’d fix your pocket. (She laughs knowing that society would never except me at work, and with no pants)

Me: Don’t tempt me. If I could never wear pants I would be a happy man. Damn social “norms”.

Heather: I am with you I hate wearing pants too.

Me: First thing I do when I get in the door of my apartment… take off my pants. Pants are just another way for the “MAN” to keep me down.

Today is a special day for me: HAPPY NO PANTS DAY! It’s the first Friday in May, so today, Friday May 6th 2005 is NO PANTS DAY! Finally a holiday I can get behind, in front, under, and on top of. I have of course spent most of the day not wearing pants. However this is the south and I fear oppression so I did wear pants when I went to school and to the store.

Thank you Sarah for letting me know, I’m not alone. Check out this link for more info:

http://www.nopantsday.com/

2005-04-26T10:39:00.000-04:00

I don't make deals with TERRORISTS, but I might buy a T-shirt.

2005-04-20T14:13:00.000-04:00

WHAT TIME IS IT!?

2005-04-11T00:36:00.000-04:00

Sweet Music

I met my parents after work for dinner at Jackalopes. We had a very nice conversation and then went our separate ways.

James and I went to Manifest because I decided that I wanted to buy a few CDs. I shopped for a bit then when I was done I told James that I would wait for him near the check out. (NOTE: the place was gonna close in 5 minutes) We listened to Beck’s Guero, one of my purchase’s on the way back to Martha Washington. We agreed to meet at 10pm to go out for drinks. My 8am class was canceled for Monday, so I don’t have to be any where till noon o’clock.

I went though my CDs till it was time to drink. I was trying to figure out what had cases and what did not. This was a post Casa De Fuego task that I have put off for 3+ years. I have more CDs then I had thought. Oddly enough James and I talked about all the music that I did not have, but should have, while we drank.

Today I bought the Beck CD, DJ Format’s “A RIGHT earful”, and the sound track to Office Space.

Last heard from James: a little jealousy can go a long way.

2005-04-06T19:20:00.000-04:00

Go here.

2005-04-02T06:21:00.000-05:00

April Fool

Yesterday I drove from Charlotte NC, to Baltimore MD, to see Big G and Emily (his lady friend). The drive was easy, but no one should be alone in a car for that long. About 5 hours into my trip I realized that I would be hitting DC right at rush hour. I went through all five stages of grief in the next 45 minutes leading up to the traffic.

Acceptance hit just in time for the traffic on HWY 95 to come to a snail's crawl. I settled in for the long haul and stared at the bumper sticker on the silver Mazda Protege in front of me. The sticker read like this:

Stop the
BU__ SH__

I took this as a double meaning of stop the bullshit and stop the BUSH. I took the bumper sticker a step further and tried to fill in the blanks to make other words. "Stop the BUsy SHoe", "Stop the BUtt SHip", "Stop the BUst SHow", you get the idea. Once I could not come up with any more words I tried every permutation. So during the 5 o'clock hour that after noon I traded in my ADD for OCD. The hypnotic spell was broken when Big G called me to check on my progress. I could not tell him where I was because I had not paid attention to anything else around me. He asked me if I had past the Potomac River yet and I could only say maybe. I hung up then about 5 mintues later I was over the Potomac. I think I would have noticed it even if Big G had not called.

NOTE: If I open a neighborhood bar I'm gonna call it THE BUSY SHOE. If I open a gay bar I'm gonna call it THE BUTT SHIP. In either case Tom Jones' "Sex Bomb" will be played every two hours.

2005-03-30T13:59:00.000-05:00

Not slim or shady

Michaelpella is back in full effect for the month of April, AKA Rap Month. Starting this Friday (4-1-05). Then for each Friday in April you will have the pleasure of a new Michaelpella.

Random things:

I want Jack White to cover Dolly Parton's "Straight Talk"

I told James I wanted to be the Hypotenuse and then pointed to two girls.

I have decided that I am too much of a fat-fuck and I am gonna change that, but starting after my trip to Baltimore to see Big G. There is lots of good food and drink there.

It's starting to get warmer, YEAH! That means cooking on the grill. It's much better that way.

It's spring break for the public schools here, so the teens are trying to take over the Penguin. Damn, those kids have shitty haircuts.

2005-03-13T01:10:00.000-05:00

“I’ll give you a thousand dollars if you” or "bet you won't french that floozies"

10:10pm Saturday night (insert Law & Order sound here). James, Sam, and I are in my living room and about to head out for a few drinks. At the bar Sam bought the first round, then we headed out to the patio area. By the time we were on our second round, a drunken “fabulous” dude started dancing VERY close to us. His girl friend then started shaking her ass in our faces and he called out “she callin you, it’s a booty call”. We had all ignored the guy, but the girl was a different story. She sat on Sam’s lap and then explained that she felt bad for her friend (the guy) because we did not pay attention to his dancing so she thought that she would stick her ass in our faces. I told her it was a major improvement. She leaned over and I tilled my head to give her my ear. She said nothing so I looked at her. Then she said “don’t you want to french kiss me?” I said “yes.” So while she sat on Sam’s lap she kissed me for a second or two and while the fabulous guy talked to James. The following are my thought during those few seconds.

1. she is cute
2. can that other cute girl see this?
3. I am screwing my chances with ever girl here
4. I am really kissing an stranger
5. I hope I don’t catch something
6. I think we are about done, DAMN!
7. ok, that was a new one for me

The girl and the guy left and I turned to James and said “I am no were near ready to call it a night.” The rest of the night was filled with moment in which we had to convince each other that those events really happened. And that was broken up by my offering James a thousand dollars to talk to various girls. One in particular lit her cigarette with one of the torches one the outside patio. After I badgered James for a bit, I walk over to that girl and pointed out the guy trying to turn on a gas heater.

Me: Ok, if that guy lights himself on fire you have to go and light a cigarette of him.

Girl: Did you see me lighting my cig off that torch?

Me: yes and that was the coolest thing I’ve seen tonight

NOTE: I stole this line from James and the coolest thing I’ve seen tonight was really me frenching a strange girl.

Me: The only way your going to top that is lighting a cig off of someone that is on fire.

Girl: Well I have been watching that guy so if he lights himself on fire then I’ll do it.

That guy gives up on trying to turn on the gas heater.

Me: Damn! He quit. I’ll try to get one of my friends to light them selves on fire.

Girl: Ok, cool.

Neither Sam nor James was willing to light them selves on fire so I told the girl that it was not gonna happen tonight.

2005-02-16T20:05:00.000-05:00

After the seeing my doctor today

I am wearing a surgical mask because I have the FLU. I head into Wal-Mart to get my prescriptions filled and to pick up a few things. Children would look at me in wonder. Teenagers would do a double take and then stare. Adults would try not to do a double take, but when they looked at me they all smiled as if they knew what’s wrong. Everyone would move out of my way as I walked to the pharmacy.

At first I was mad that people were acting weird. I mean, I could have not worn the mask. Just walked in breathing my sickness everywhere and I wouldn’t look funny, but the “right thing to do” out weighed my pride.

The pharmacy at Wal-Mart was out of what I needed, but the ladies behind the counter were nice enough to call around to see if there was any place close which could fill my prescription. As I waited, the public would still avoid me or back up when they saw me. It bugged me for a while, but then I began to enjoy their fear.

The HT in the same shopping strip had what I needed so I thanked the women for their help and walked out of the store pushing people out of the way with my presents. People could not wait for me to pass.

The staff at the HT pharmacy was very nice and they helped me get a few things that were not behind the counter. I made it home and have been medicated ever since.

2005-02-14T13:10:00.000-05:00

High Life

I picked up my tux Friday. There were many problems with what I had requested. First of all they could not get me the powder blue with ruffles tux that I wanted and then when I picked out a basic black tux they send the wrong size jacket. It was an easy fix, but I kinda wish that I could have worn the smaller jacket as I could have sung: “fat man in a little coat”. Or bust a Lou Ferrigno and rip the jacket off of myself. I think that either act would have been a big hit Saturday night at the 47th Annual Greater Charlotte Heart Ball presented by Presbyterian Hospital

The evening started with a silent auction, drinks and orderves. I did bid on a few things, none of which I could afford. I was relieved, as I was out bid on every item. A Marti Gras dressed performer blew his whistle and announced that we could move into the dinning hall. I killed some time and then visited the heavy-handed bartender one last time before going into the dinning hall.

We drank wine, ate “Heart-Healthy” foods, and talked as speaker did their thing and presented stories of how “our” donations had helped. During dessert the high roller’s auction began. These were bids that started out at $7,000 or more. I did not win any of those bids either. It was a fun night and I met a lot of “powerful” people. By that I don’t mean super heroes, I mean the rich.

2005-01-12T17:10:00.000-05:00

dutch noir

The city stinks. The smell of body odor and trash are almost over whelming. The coffee shop is my haven for fresh air. Hot drink in hand I step out into the thick air. Like a punch in the face, I feel the smell hit me. I walk back to work wishing for a rain to wash the city clean. My only respite is the smell of my coffee as I drink. I hunger for the stale air of the library. As I enter the building I inhale the bland air, and sign relief. Damn, this city stinks.

2005-01-11T14:31:00.000-05:00

Lunch walk

I head south on Tryon, walking to a bank. I get a nod from the guy sitting on the sidewalk, playing guitar. He’s the dude that hosted the 4th of July party in the pink’o house. We talked for a bit and he told me he was working, referring to the guitar playing. I wished him luck, then walked on. A block+ later I get a nod from a bike messenger with a hunk of metal through his nose. We didn’t talk, I just returned the nod. I “know” him from parties and I have seen him at the Penguin.

I made it to the bank and handled my bidniss. Now my goal is to figure out what to eat. I run into the little sister of a guy I knew in high school. She works for one of the banks in Charlotte. We talked for a bit and she told me about her brother (I never really liked the guy), I pretended to care and look at her boobs. Then we head of in separate directions.

I have my food and I am sitting in a food court like area, indoors. Just watching the people. I am wonder if I should have given money to the guy playing guitar. I don’t usually give out money. I start to wonder how he made the decision to start that, he was working for the library last time I saw him. Then I wonder about that bike messengers hunk of metal. That had to hurt. I finish eating and head back to work. I pass the little sister I spoke to and she waves from her table and I nod. If this were a movie we would now change to her point of view and then follow her thoughts for a bit. And in the end she would walk by the guy playing guitar, and throw down a few bucks. And at some point she would give the messenger a package to deliver.

2005-01-03T10:15:00.000-05:00

Empty seat

Saturday night I went down to Rock Hill, SC for a farewell party for Chairman Mike and his girlfriend Leanda. They are moving to Austin, TX where Leanda is going to start Grad school. While I have not hungout with Mike much since I left my old library, I know that I will miss him. I mean, I miss all my friends from my old library, but at least I get to see them now and then. I wish Mike and Leanda the best of luck in their new city, with new jobs, and in school. I know that it can be difficult to move to a new place, but they have each other for support and a huge group of friends and family back here in NC to try and help out when needed. So I think they will be fine. Good luck guys and lets try to keep in touch.

2004-12-27T13:19:00.000-05:00

Shot down in a blaze o’ glory

I did not die nor did I kill anyone, but I finished this semester. Not my best work. I didn’t fail, but I will be retaking one of my classes this spring. Each final had a 3-hour time limit. I, along with everyone else, barely finish each time. Cumulative test suck ass. For one of the exams, I sat down wheedling calculators akimbo. Another was all spreadsheets and data analysis. After my last exam I met a friend at a bar and that began my bender of alcohol and comfort food. I have detox-ed, but the damage is done.

2004-12-09T22:55:00.000-05:00

I think I’ll lighten up after exams.

Me: The two in the corner booth.

James: Yea?

Me: That’s totally the biggest douche bag and a girl that is out to piss off her dad.

James: (Laughing)

Me: I mean she’s got the whole church-girl-look going. And look at that guy’s shirt.

James: She already dated the guy with the flames on his shirt.

Me: That shirt is worse then the kind of shirt that changes color with body heat.

James: (Laughing)

Me: That’s the kinda guy I’d like to punch… It’s rare that I hate someone for everything that they are.

2004-12-02T18:45:00.000-05:00

My First Falafel

Walking down to the first floor, I ponder the age-old question. What do I want for lunch? Burger, salad, pizza, General Tao’s chicken, soup, pita? I step out into the cool air and think that I should have grabbed my jacket. Not cause it was too cool, but because I look really cool in it. Right then I think FALAFEL!

I can’t make sense of the connection from jacket to falafel, it just happened. So I looked both ways, even though it is a one-way street (what a douche), and crossed the street. I am really excited about this falafel. I keep saying falafel over and over again in my head. It’s a funny word (again, what a douche).

I make my way to the counter just waiting for one of the two people working to ask me what I want. I am the only person in there, but they have Christmas music blasting from the speakers and the TV's on MSNBC, full blast. So I yell, “the falafel please”. I have it grilled with a mix of veggies and feta cheese. Added a drink & chips for $1.69 more. Nothin’ but the high life for me. The falafel was good, and the Sunchips & diet coke combo was worst ever penny. All one hundred and sixty-nine of them. A friend told me he had had the best falafel ever at the Penguin. That will be my first stop post exams.

falafel falafel falafel falafel falafel falafel falafel falafel falafel falafel falafel

Quote of the day:
“This is why I have a problem with Jude Law. Who in their right mind would go for Julie Roberts when he has Natalie Portman? I mean DUH, Natalie Portman... in a pink wig.”

Wish List

2004-11-30T19:20:00.000-05:00

Beautiful destruction

I like placing the word beautiful before any word that has a negative, sad, or a meaning opposite from the word beautiful. Example: beautiful destruction, beautiful violence (one of my favs), and beautiful failure. It makes the verbs sound like an artist in the middle of a creation. Beautiful failure is my constant project. This semester could very well be my masterpiece. With my pride in one hand, I walked balls first, brains last, into over extending myself. Right now I am the fish at the end of the Faith No More video for the song EPIC. I’ll wiggle my way to safety, but not with out causing myself pain(beautiful destruction).

My brother put it best, while we discussed an error he was beating himself up over. “We run a race, but don’t try too hard for a while and then all of the sudden we think, hey I’m in a race. Then we bust our asses till we finish.” The race I am running, I lost long ago, but I am busting my ass to finish. This is my beautiful failure. In my need to finish, I have ignored my own limits. This is my art. I am struggling to make through this semester. This could be my masterpiece.

Back to the books.

2004-11-04T17:27:00.000-05:00

Back to work

I have only been at work for 30 mintues, and so far I have explained what an I-Pod is, settled a bet which was "are there 50 states or 51", told a few people what time we close, and helped a kid with his math home work. It's great to get back to the "usual" line of questions and no more of those voting questions.

2004-11-01T11:46:00.000-05:00

Detox

It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m watching 13 Conversations About One Thing, when I hear a light banging on my screen door. I thought it was my neighbor’s cat, so I did not get up right away. The banging continued so I thought I check on the little guy. I was surprised to see my mom standing at the door. She had tried to call me several times, but I turned off my phone earlier that day when I went to see Ray and I just forgot to turn it back on. My father was making a 3+ point turn, in the small parking lot behind my apartment. Mom handed me some mail and asked if I wanted to join them for dinner. I put on my shoes and the three of us went to the Penguin. That was Dad’s suggestion. I began to tell them about my weekend.
....
James picked my up around noon Friday and we went to the Penguin for Lunch. Then we helped deliver coats to a local charity. Friday night, I got polluted.

Saturday Jonny and I went down to the USC v. Tenn game, more drinking. I slept the entire way back to Charlotte. Jonny and I cleaned my apartment, then we went out to the Penguin for more drinks and some food. We saw lots of people in costumes there, but went uptown for more entertainment and drinking.

Sunday Jonny and I went for coffee and then picked up a few things for breakfast. I cook a ton of bacon, scrabled eggs and cinnamon rolls, and James joined us for the feast. After breakfast, Jonny went home. James and I went to see the movie Ray. After the movie I started my detox from the weekend. Self-prescribed: two 32oz glasses of water and ½ cup of dried apricots. I started to watch 13 Conversations About One Thing.
....
While I was telling my folks all of this a couple had come into the Penguin and sat at the bar. The guy was in “normal” clothes but the girl had a schoolgirl outfit with a leather jacket. When she took offer her jacket to sit-down I realized that she was not wearing a schoolgirl out fit, but rather just a short shirt and body paint, painted to look like a schoolgirl top. I think she must have been a bit cold. Mom and dad enjoyed the meal and the show. They dropped me off, and I finished my movie. About 10 minutes after the movie my prescription kicked in.

2004-11-01T09:30:00.000-05:00

Pics from the party here.

2004-10-25T23:23:00.000-04:00

School Night

On Mondays I get out of class around 8:45pm. James called me at 8:55pm asking if I was up for a drink. The answer is obvious to all of you, so I picked him up and we headed for the Penguin. Many beers and a Dixie-Chicken-sandwich later we called it a night. I was home before 11:00pm. I can still get a good night sleep and make it to my 8:00am class tomorrow. I love living this close to work, school, friends, and bars.

NOTE: Jonny Goodnights may make it to my party. And Dr. G may be in town in a few weeks.

This past Saturday I had dinner with my parent and my brother. We got on the topic of voting. I said, I voted for Erskine Bowles, so that I could say foreskin balls, for a few more years.

Ain’t that America? You and me! Ain’t that America? Somethin’ to see baby! Ain’t that America? Home of the free! Lil’ pink houses for you and me!

2004-10-21T13:21:00.000-04:00

Halloween Jammy Jam 2004

Hey Everyone,

I am inviting you all to my apartment, Oct 29 (Friday night) any time after
8pm. I will provide d'orderves(that means snacks), sweets, and nonalcoholic
drinks. I will also be providing fabulous prizes for the COSTUME CONTEST!
Competition will be decided at 10:30pm. Costumes optional, of course.
BYOB. If you have any questions, feel free to call or write me. Bring
a(some) friend(s).

DETAILS:
Anytime after 8pm
Competition at 10:30pm
Free food and nonalcoholic drinks
BYOB

2004-10-14T20:43:00.000-04:00

I am just keeping my head above water.

40 hours at work and 9 hrs of classes each week, plus I have to watch Lost, ER, Scrubs, Smallville, and the new season of the OC is right around the corner. No really, I watch all those shows. One of the upsides is that I have a job which is flexible enough to allow me to study while at work. For whatever reason I can't ever do school work while other people are around. Not a problem, cause everyone in my department leaves at 5:30pm so I have the rest of the night to write reports, read the chapter, or if I am feeling frisky, I'll do some regression analysis in Excel. That's right I am living the dream.

Well the problem is that recently the powers that be have decided that some folks from our parent department need to come in and help us. I don't mind help, but this is cutting into my private study time. Well as luck would have it there was a scheduling error and I have Friday off. I'm not supposed to be off but that's what the schedule saids. I brought this to the proper person's attention and she asked me if wanted to work or take a vacation day. I took the vacation day before she finished saying the word "day". So YEAH! I have a whole extra day to spend in the computer lab, the University library, and maybe I'll catch a movie.

2004-10-08T17:38:00.000-04:00

I want a weighted vest

Me: I used to wear ankle weights when I ran.

Co-Worker: You Run?

Me: I try to.

Co-Worker: You run, like without someone chasing you?

Me: Yes, but usually I am being chased by either inner demons or my own self-hate. Tomato, tomawto.

2004-10-06T09:44:00.000-04:00

Master Debater (say it fast, it’s funny)

As I judged the debate last night I was disappointed in the performance of everyone involved. I will give both Cheney and Edwards credit for showing up and even for a few well placed jabs at each other. But both lost the debate in my, no where near, humble opinion. First rule of debate club is we do not talk about... ok that joke is played out. So is saying "played out".

There were many cases in which neither of the men answered the question. This pissed me off. Were I moderator, I would have pulled the plug on anyone’s mic if they don’t answer my question. Fuck the "rules" about giving each party the same time. Those bitches better answer the question quickly then get to their party bullshit with whatever time they have left.

2004-10-04T08:59:00.000-04:00

Calculating and Despotic

Find Your Sun Sign Profile

Capricorn

Practical Capricorn, the tenth sign of the zodiac, represents discipline, ambition, and rationality, making you the most determined and persistent sign of the zodiac. Since you have such an unshakable faith in your own power, you have an extreme capacity for hard work and endurance.

Saturn, the planet of challenges and restrictions, is the ruler of Capricorn. Saturn is sometimes associated with bad luck; however, without the obstacles of Saturn we would never grow and evolve any further, which makes this planet the one that makes us tough, because it teaches us to develop patience and staying power.

Capricorn is the third earth sign, which means you know that you can't live on inspiration alone, and therefore, you have become a down-to-earth realist, and are willing to take care of the daily chores. For that reason, stability and consistency are very important to you.

You, Capricorn, rule the tenth house of the horoscope, a sector associated with career, social standing, and personal aspirations. Furthermore, this house describes your ambitions and goals in life, as well as your public image and your reputation in your social circles.

Capricorn is a cardinal sign, meaning that you don't wait for others to take action - you charge right in making full use of your qualities of pragmatism, efficiency, and diligence.

You have many strengths, dear Capricorn, because with diligence and patience you work to reach the high goals you have set for yourself. Your calm, diplomatic, and pragmatic approach is admirable. On top of that, once you commit to something, you feel responsible and accountable for what you do, which makes you such a trustworthy and loyal person.

However, you also have weaknesses. Sometimes, you can get very pessimistic and skeptical. You don't always have the flexibility to make a quick change in plans if something doesn't work. You are also known for being calculating and despotic at times, as well as cold and indifferent.

CHECK IT OUT:
http://astrocenter.astrology.msn.com/msn/DeptHoroscope.aspx?af=-1000&VS=&GT1=5472

2004-09-26T14:53:00.000-04:00

?????????

Saturday night

Do I have time to chug a beer before we go?
Are you gonna get a turkey leg?
Where can I get my face painted?
What’s a funnel cake?
Is that like an elephant ear?
Who wants to ride the cock?
What’s a sausage face?
Do you have anything that won’t cause seizures?
How much for the "chicken-on-a-stick"?
Foot long corndog!?
Is this where you fell in the lake?
How do I get there?
Are you riding with me?
What’s a bif?
Should we get some beer?
WHO WANTS A BEER!?
So, I should shave that area?
Are you ok to drive?
Up for a shot of tequila and a pitcher of beer?
Are you sure?

Sunday morning

What time are we meeting for breakfast?
Was I wearing pants last night?
How was your trip grandmother?
Does the sling support your wrist?
Do you want that biscuit?

2004-09-22T10:48:00.000-04:00

I can program my VCR to get all the shows I’m gonna miss but I can’t organize my schedule.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to hire a personal assistant. It’s not that I am important, it’s that I am incompetent. I do have a lot to keep up with now days and I seem to think that I can keep track of everything without writing anything down. The worst thing about this is that it’s not because I’m too lazy or lack the skill, I just think I don’t need to.

The prosecution presents exhibit A:
Sitting in a library parking lot this morning sipping coffee, listening to the radio and waiting for my 8:30am meeting. I begin to notice that there are no other people here for the meeting. I start to wonder if I am at the wrong branch. I make a call back to my branch and have a co-worker check my email for me. I am at the correct location and time, but the meeting is next Wednesday. And I should have been at my desk 45 minutes ago, not sitting in a parking lot.

I rush to my branch knowing that I will be a hour+ late. I knew I should have had them fix my Flux Capacitor during the last tune-up. Live and learn. So if you were driving in Charlotte around 9:00am today and saw a green streak of sexiness, that was me. Sorry if I cut you off, ran you off the road, or teased you with the sexiness.

I am excepting applications for the position of assistant at this time. Pay is…, ah fuck it. I‘ll get a day-planner.

2004-09-16T11:40:00.000-04:00

RING RING

(at work)
Me: Information services how can I help you?

Patron: I need an opinion. When writing a poem can you say; the look of love in their eyes, or the love in their eyes?

Me: Ma'am as a poet, it is up to you to write what ever you want.

Patron: Have you ever seen that, the look of love in their eyes? Or have you ever done that?

Me: Ma'am I have never seen the look of love in their eyes nor have I had the look of love in my eyes.
(Ok, now I am trying not to laugh cause my co-workers are looking at me funny)

Patron: Well does that sound right?

Me: Well you asked for my opinion and all I can say is: In my opinion you as a writer are free to write how ever you want, and some people will get it and others won't. That's my opinion.

Patron: Okay I understand what you're saying. Thank you.

Me: Your welcome. Is there anything else I can help you with?

Patron: No, good bye.

Me: Bye.

2004-08-31T23:24:00.000-04:00

Hell yes bitch!

2004-08-26T15:49:00.000-04:00

Highlights of my family trip
8-14-04

The Princess Cruise terminal was struck by lighting the night before, so we (Mom, Dad, Mike, Christine and me) waited outside in the heat for about 2 and a half hours along with a few hundred other people. We saw a girl faint, that was cool. She was ok. We named her and a few of the other people we saw in line. Spritzer guy, Slipknot and sister of slipknot, etc. These were the types of people that you just knew you would see while on the boat for the next 7 days.

Once we got on the boat we split up into our factions and started our vacation. The ship did not leave for a few more hours because of the delay which gave everyone time to settle-in or go swimming or eat and drink, or what ever. The plan on these kinds of family trips is, do whatever you want just be dress and ready for dinner at 8:30.

After the ship set sail I got dressed for dinner and met up with Mike and Christine. (NOTE: I have been reading about how to play craps) We went to the onboard casino for free gambling lessons. I spoke to the guy running the show and told him we wanted to learn craps, and that I have trying to learn from a book but it’s hard to tell if I really know anything. He laughed at me and said to meet him at the table in a couple of minutes.

We had our lesson and finally the parts that didn’t seem clear in the book made sense. We left the casino and headed for dinner. After dinner I made my move with mike and Christine backin me up.

I walked up to the table with $100 in chips ready to lose it all. I was up $75 at one point but left the table with $124. I did not cash in cause I knew I’d be back.

2004-08-25T12:28:00.000-04:00

Highlights of my family trip
8-13-04 Friday

Despite the heavy rain in Georgia, the drive down to Fort Lauderdale was easy. We (Michael, Christine and I) arrived at a hotel around 7:30(ish) where my parents greeted us and took us to dinner. After dinner Mike and I were going to try and catch a showing of AVP. Mike dropped me off to check times then waited in the car. I returned with the bad news that we had missed the only showing that would work for us. After planning what to do next mike turns on the radio and said, check this out. It sounded like a mentally challenged preacher. He began to sing: "Victowee in Jeeezzussth". Mike’s and my laughter insured our damnation.

We drove around listening to the singing a preaching while taking care of last minute items. The preacher concluded his sermon with: "I have cerebral palsy, and god has a plan for me. What’s your problem!?" This question was quoted, in a mocking voice, many times for the rest of the trip.

2004-08-24T10:58:00.000-04:00

Sing Along!

How many wheels on a bigrig, let’s count’em:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 wheels on a bigrid

How many wheels on a bigrig, count backwards:
18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 wheels on a bigrid

How many wheels on a bigrig, even numbers:
2 4 6 8 10 12 14 16 18 wheels on a bigrig

How many wheels on a bigrig, odd numbers:
1 3 5 7 9 11 13 15 17 wheels on a bigrig

How many wheels on a bigrig, roman numerals:
I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII XIII XIV XV XVI XVII XVIII wheels on a bigrig

I am slowly going crazy,
1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I,
1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Slowly going crazy I am,
1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going I am slowly,
1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Am I crazy slowly going,
1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Going slowly I am crazy,
1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

2004-08-11T15:31:00.000-04:00

Bacchus, why have you forsaken me?

So after a late night of drinking, you would think that I would sleep in and recover. But for some reason I wake at 7:45am and can't get back to sleep. So this morning I watched two episodes of
Entourage, recorded for me by a co-worker, and drank Gatoraid. I was still feeling crappy when I left for work. On the way in I stopped at a deli and got the best mac & cheese I have ever had. That set me right.

2004-08-05T15:07:00.000-04:00

Don’t speak up in class, it won’t help.

For the last four weeks I have been the only student to consistently speak up in class. Some time with a comment, sometimes with a question but always for my own benefit. Now and then the instructor poses a question and points out someone to give him an answer. Most people just say, "I don’t know". I always say what I think the answer is and why (because he will ask why anyway). I am mostly wrong, occasionally kinda right, but mostly wrong. The last few times the instructor as admitted that he was setting me up.

This week he has mentioned, at least once each day that we (the class) are not speaking up, this included me. Today he asked me during class why I have not talked this week?

Me: I have spoken up and participated everyday, till this week. Why are you coming to me with this?

Instructor: Because you have spoken up everyday. Is something wrong?

Me: No, I just don’t want to be your patsy. (said with a smile)

Instructor: (laughing) But you are so good at it.

We all laugh at my expense.

Me: Looks like I’m your patsy whether I like it or not.

2004-08-02T19:01:00.000-04:00

No point

Friday I saw The Village. I liked it.

Saturday I took my lil' brother to the Penguin. It was funny to watch him react to all the penguiny type people.

I went out with James last night for a few drinks, shallow thoughts, and deep wit. Bottled domestics were a buck each and James declared that it was his turn to buy. So I had a few beers. I still got up this morning and ran. The good news is I didn’t puke.

Two weeks from today I (along with my family) will be on a cruise. Sailing out of Daytona, stopping at St. Thomas, and St. Martin or St. Martaan (I think that’s the Dutch spelling). This will be my second cruise. Not counting all the times I was cruisin’ for a bruisin’. I had a great time last time we all went, but I admit that I am not as pumped up for the trip as the rest of the family. I have a few guesses why that is, but I know the big one is school related. I have my final exam for my summer school next Tuesday (Aug 10th) then we leave for Florida on Friday (13th), return to Charlotte the night of Saturday the 21st, then the fall semester starts Monday (23rd). I know your thinking that’s perfect, I get a great break before I start back. So why am I wiggin’ out?

By the way, Shredded Mini Wheat’s has a great new flavor. Maple syrup and Brown sugar. SOOOO GOOD!

2004-07-30T13:08:00.000-04:00

Crap!

I was looking for showtimes for Garden State. And to my surprise it is not showing here. Before you start saying "see I told you Charlotte sucks", it’s only showing in LA and NY. So I guess I’ll have to wait a little while before I can see it. Until then, I have these links to tease myself.

Garden State
Zach Braff’s blog

2004-07-28T13:59:00.000-04:00

The story continued

As I am pulling into the lot behind my apartment my phone rings and it’s James. He requested that I meet him at him car to inspect hie tires or tires. I was not sure. I park and hop out of my car with my tire gauge in one hand and a huge flashlight in the other. You know like the ones cops carry so then can beat you down. Aaah, if I had a dollar for every beating I took from a cop, but that’s a whole other story.

We exchange the usual greetings and then got to buisness (bo-ees-ness). I did not find and thing wrong and neither did James. I told him that I would be up by 7am so if it’s flat in the morning come and get me. I knew we could change that tire quicker than Jr’s pit crew.

Lying in bed waiting for my alarm to go off, I thought that I heard a knock. I got up to check, but saw no one. By the time I had finished my morning (anything but) routine, James was gone. So I guess he is either at work, at a service station, or soon I’ll get a call to come and identify the chard remains of one James "THE PEOPLE’S LIBRARIAN" Kelly.

If it's one of the first two possibilities James, want to go drinkin Thursday?

2004-07-27T15:05:00.000-04:00

The Penguin is my own Dead Sea.

Did you know that the Dead Sea has been a place of healing for centuries? It has something to do with the altitude and climate.
-It’s 400 meters below sea level
-Has year-round sunny skies
-Dry, low polluted air
-Less then 50 mm mean annual rainfall
-Summer average temperatures: 32°C - 39°C Winter average temperatures: 20°C - 23°C
-Weakened UV radiation, particularly the UVB (erythrogenic rays)
-High oxygen content due to the high barometric pressure

While I have not figured out how to fix what’s wrong with my voice, I have found a short-term solution. No it’s not the Dead Sea, I haven’t tried that yet. You see over time (days, sometimes weeks) My voice will degrade, till I am in an almost constant state of clearing (well trying to clear) my throat. My land of healing is the Penguin.
-It’s loud, so I have to use my gravelly "bar voice"
-Dry, smoky air
-Yuengling beer on tap
-And the staff knows my voice is messed up so I don’t have to explain anything

The next morning I wake with a "normal" voice, which can last for several days. This is my burden, my curse.

Would you like to know more?
Penguin
Dead Sea

2004-07-26T15:53:00.000-04:00

Shut-chyo mouth

This morning I woke up about 15 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off. I lay in bed looking for a reason to go running. There are the obvious reasons (health, maybe see cute girls running) which are usually enough to get me up. But I had a great weekend of hanging out with my brother and a mix of friends, and I had eaten a lot of stuff this weekend. While that fact should give me motivation to run, it really just made me want to call in sick to work. But I got out of bed and laced up my shoe because of what one friend said.

Scene from I, Robot:
A guard puts a hand on Will Smith’s shoulder.

Will: What hospital are you going to? I’ll meet you and your friend there and sign your casts.

The guard takes his hand of Will’s shoulder.

In the Theater:
James: I totally see Mark saying that.

I don’t know when this rep started or why it continues to exist, but I admit that I like it. It’s not because I’m the toughest or strongest of my friends, because I’m not either of those. So my guess is it’s because I am… daring is not the word for it, but it’s the first word that comes to mind; see also bold, see also reckless, see also stupid, see also something to prove. The fact is that I had better keep working out cause one night I might try to live up to my rep. But I doubt it.

2004-07-19T14:56:00.000-04:00

Learning experience in the kitchen

Last night I planned to cook spaghetti, and make a peach cobbler. I started the sauce and boiling water for the pasta. While I waited for the water to boil, I pealed and sliced peaches. I only have a one small round casserole dish, but it was the perfect size for the amount of peaches I had. I used brown sugar with each layer of sliced peaches and also in the batter.

The water came to a boil, so I added the pasta. The spaghetti came out great. What I learned was that one bag of angel hair pasta goes a long way for one person, and two bags is an insane amount of pasta. Anyone want some pasta?

Before I sat down to eat the spaghetti and watch American Wedding, I placed my cobbler into the oven. When I had finish eating, I checked on the cobbler, not knowing how long it would need to cook. The top had not started to turn golden, so I left it alone while I tried to figure out what to do with all the pasta. And finish American Wedding.

I pulled out the cobbler sometime later, and it looked perfect. I stuck a folk in it just to take a look. This time I learned that you don’t have to make much batter for a small casserole dish. I had about an inch thick, 4-inch diameter, brown sugar flavored biscuit, on top oven my unbaked cobbler. I had used too much batter. I removed the cooked layer and then put the cobbler back in the oven. The end product is not pretty, but it tastes good. Anyone want a big-ass-biscuit?

This is my one hundred and 69th post.

2004-07-08T19:08:00.000-04:00

Little Pink’o Houses for You and Me

I started the 4th of July at a house party, with live music. That afternoon, there had been a skill-share. One guy showed everyone how to change the oil in a car, a friend’s girlfriend taught knitting. Some did bike repair/maintenance, and so on. I missed all of this, but not because of lack of interest. It’s just that I was recovering from the night before.

A group of people were hanging out on the front porch, eating away at a watermelon when James and I arrived. We talked to Chairman-Mike and then he introduced us to the host and a few other people. I went back to my car and got out a case of beer. As I approached the porch again, I then started to address people at random (“Hey dude”) and offer a beer. Everyone was shock that someone would offer free beer. The first guy hesitated and then the second guy asked if I was sure. Then everyone else dug in. I felt that I was really giving in to the hippie spirit of the party.

The bands started to play. The second band announced that they were going to defeat capitalism. And the crowd cheered. I laughed, and just thought about how I want to be the machine they rage against. Soon after the defeating began, James and I made our rounds to a few other 4th of July events, then later that night I returned to the house of Mao, to see Robins band play. The beer I had left was gone, as I expected. But what surprised me was that nobody was very giving with his or her beer (except Chairman Mike, big ups). That seemed to go against the whole “Socialism is the best system” tripe, that everyone was so fond of. Maybe, just maybe, Capitalism kicked their ass.

2004-06-29T09:21:00.000-04:00

Comments

I am gonna jump on this bandwagon too. This way there might be something for you to read when you visit. Cause it's not like I am likely to post.

2004-06-28T15:13:00.000-04:00

Honesty vs. Ignorance: GET IT ON!

After my lunchtime walk I had the urge to treat myself with a cookie and a coffee. I stopped at the fancy uptown grocery store near work and asked the bakery clerk for two cookies, one of which was for a co-work that was helping me out with some scheduling issues. I took my bag and thanked the clerk, then poured myself some coffee.

Cookies: 2 x .79 (written on the white bag)

Coffee: buck-fiddy, or there abouts

Cashier: Have you already paid for your coffee Sir?

Me: No mama.

Cashier: Ok, your total is $1.67.

(I hand her a twenty)

Me: Wait, $1.67?

Cashier: I can’t take your change, I all ready rang it up.

Me: I’m sorry I must have miss understood. I have not paid for this coffee (patting the lid of my cup as I speak)

Cashier: I know. I rang it up (handing me my change and my receipt)

I look at the receipt and she did charge me for the coffee but she rang up the cookies at 2 for .07 cents. Just then a manager walked up, think that I was mad or something I guess and asked if there was a problem.

Me: No problem I just think I was under charged, and I don’t want anybody to get in trouble over a cookie. (I show the manager the receipt)

Manager: Oh well that’s not a big deal. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, would you like a ticket for a free coffee?

Me: (confussed) Wha.. uh… no thank you. So do you want me to pay for this (holding up the items)?

Manager: No Sir, you are fine. Is there anything we can do for you?

There is not a line behind me. I am not being mean to the cashier. I think I am doing the right thing.

Me: Uh.. well, no thank you. Uh… have a nice day.

Cashier and manager: You too Sir.

2004-06-16T15:32:00.000-04:00

Knights in white satin… err… polyester.

I took my lil’ brother “D” to a Charlotte Knights game last night. He was kinda moody when I picked him up from his house. He had a bad day at summer camp. We arrived during the bottom of the first. We were both wearing teal T-shirt with yellow lettering, which spelled out “Big Brothers & Big Sisters of Charlotte”. Not cool. D was wearing a black T-shirt under the teal shirt. There was only one other person wearing the teal shirt in our group of Bigs and Littles. We sat down and I turned to D and said if you want to lose the teal shirt, it’s ok. I have another shirt for me in my car. His mood improved.

During the game, we talked about the game, girls, and how crappy the announcer was. D kept saying how he would have the crowd “up and hyped”. I asked him if he wanted to check out the press box. He said yes and got really excited. We walked back to the concession area and I told him to put the teal shirt back on. I lead us to the Customer service booth and talked to lady behind the counter into giving us a tour of the press box. It was a nice tour, but the best part was, D is now convinced that I can talk my way into anywhere. Later he listed all the places we should go. After the tour he check out the gift shop and I when out to my car to change shirts. Moments later, I pulled him out of the store before he could waste his money and we went back to the game. Knights lost in the 11th inning 4 to 2.

2004-06-15T09:11:00.000-04:00

The walk into work today.

You know what I like most about working uptown? It’s not the attractive women dressed like men, in an effort to hide their femininity so they can break through the glass ceiling, which of course no longer exist (wink, wink). It’s the large leathery guy dressed in flannel and a camouflage hat, standing on the sidewalk, rocking just slightly side to side and speaking softly. Nobody is near him, I am a good 15 feet away, but I am heading his way so I try to tune in. As I get closer I shift the now empty travel mug from my left to right hand. I take a drink, but of course it’s empty, and try to eavesdrop on the conversation going on now 5 feet away. He is speaking English. Not talking to me. Maybe he’s got a line straight to god. He is standing next to a church. That helps with reception, I think. The thing I like about these guys is I get to make up a store, which explains their current status. Many times I guess that the person just gave up on life at an early age cause it got hard for them (that sentence should be read in a mocking and condescending tone).

The other stories I come up with are usually more understanding and compassionate. It this case, our rocking, lost soul is asking god about his wife. She died two years ago in a car accident. He was diving and he blames himself. It was not his fault, the police report even said so. It had been raining that night, but it stop as George and Alice left the Bingo hall. It’s their one indulgence. Well that and the hour of power, of Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, ever weeknight. They got in to their 1973 Ford F-150, and headed home. Neither had won at bingo that night, but they go to see their friends and socialize, winning now and then is gravy. That’s what George tells Alice when ever she doesn’t win that night. Most of the time she can be set right with a stop and the DQ. She likes the peanutbutter parfait, George has a small soft serve. Then they drive home, about 10 mile just outside of town. Heading down the 2-lane highway, they pass some kids shooting off bottle-rockets, and George gives them a honk and a wave, Alice has her hands full. The front right tire blows out, and the truck starts to skid. As George tries to slow down and keep control, Alice looks at her husband as they side of the road. The slope is not high at all but it’s steep. The truck rolls over at about 20 mph. The speed made the truck roll all the way over one time. Seconds later one of the kids is at George’s doors, asking if they’re okay. One of the other kids is on her cell-phone calling 911. George looks at his wife and she looks at him and she said your bleeding. George put his hand to his head and finds a small cut. Luckily they where both wearing their seatbelts. But Alice goes into cardiac arrest. George holds his wife and asks over and over again what’s wrong. The paramedics arrive and take them both to the hospital. Alice is pronounced dead on arrival. George might as well have died that night too.

As I pass George and cross the street, I guess he is asking God if she won at bingo last night. I wanted to tell him that she wins every night and she still get her peanutbutter parfait.

2004-06-09T15:51:00.000-04:00

No chance

Last night I went to Borders to see a singer that I had seen with James and Mr & Mrs. Lowercase. She was very attractive and completely unobtainable. So of course I have to talk to her. After her performance, the Bass player (also cute and unobtainable) approached me. She thanked me for coming to see them on a rainy night. I said, “I love a rainy night”, she laughed. We talked about the tour and how she got with this singer. Then one of my old patrons from the first library job. walked up, said hi and shook my hand. He is an older fella, but joined the conversation with much to say and I was happy to have him. The Singer kinda lingered in the back ground as people had stopped coming up to her and I think that she wanted the attention (not my attention just attention). That’s when the old patron asked me, “Did you come back over here to see if any ducks needed to be saved?” I paused and smile and the two girl just looked at him funny. He followed with “Y’know cause of all the rain". The bass player jumped right in and said what are you guys talking about. I blew it off like it was nothing, and cause I had the feeling that he (old patron) was gonna take the story anyway. So he begins to tell the story of me, jumping in the drain to save the baby ducks. I filled in the gaps and just took the smile from the girls.

After that the singer was fully in the conversation. She said something to me about seeing me last night at the other Borders. I said, no I saw you guys at the Evening Muse. Singer said, I know I saw you last night. I just replied "well there are two redheads is Charlotte. And that is his Borders, this one is mine." As the girls laughed I said, that there are Zoning laws involved and it’s allot to explain. Now in the course of the conversation I figure out that both of these girls have boyfriends. So when the singer asked me what I thought of her CD I was honest. I told her that I like it, but the two songs that I really like are not even on this CD. after I named the songs, she explained that she only has six new songs and that’s not enough to go into the studio. Then she asked if there was anything else? I said yes but you don’t want to know. Her smile dropped a little and she said no what is it? I told her that I did not like the title of the CD. The conversation ended shortly after that statement.

2004-06-04T12:01:00.000-04:00

Whore for attention

We are having a company picnic in a few weeks and I am one of the planners along with James and Juicefruit (and others). I had told James that I wanted to get an apron with the phrase "kiss the cook", as I had planed on taking my new grill. This lead to a slue of ideas, all of which were cheesy T-shirt and/or aprons, I could wear. James was gonna find me a puffy chef hat too. Well it turns out that the leader of our planning group is gonna bring her grill and there is no need for two. While I am disappointed that I don’t get to wear the apron I am certain that I can still find a shirt to wear. Or I could just wear cut-off jeans, no shirt, no shoes, and lots and lots of baby oil.

2004-06-01T14:42:00.000-04:00

Those furry sons of bitches are going down!

My first batch of rat poison had been consumed so I thought that victory was at hand. I had not seen any signs of my enemy in two days. Just to make sure I purchased more poison and put it out at strategic locations.

Last night I went to the kitchen for a drink of water. Some reason I felt compelled to look under my sink. Frozen, next to the poison was the mouse. If I had the speed to do so, I would have grabbed the little fucker and snapped IT’s neck. Then strung IT up to warn the others. Maybe put IT’s little head on a little pike.

If I were a dirty, nasty person that lived like a pig I would not care. But I have been somewhat compulsive with the cleaning in my apartment, since the first day there. So what I can’t figure out is why is the IT in my house? IT has not gotten into my food. It’s not cold outside. What does the fucker want? And why won’t IT DIE!?

2004-05-27T13:19:00.000-04:00

That which does not kill us…

After an evening of NBA & NFL 2K2, Mike and James left my apartment to head to their homes. I got dressed to go out and meet Chairman-Mike, Robin, and others (unknown) at where else? That’s right the Penguin. (Note to Jonny: I did call Crystal and I left a message that I was going out and where) When I arrived Robin sat alone at a table. I sat down and he began to tell me the various stories, which lead to his solitude. I asked him about the two girls in the corner (we both knew them), and he told me gave them the wave and the nod. After enough time I made the move to say hello. Shortly afterwards Robin came over with drinks. A mix of people came and went from our table, but at the end of the night it was the four of us and some guy I wanted to punch (I really don’t have a reason). We closed the place and went back to the girl’s duplex. Another round of drinks there, and before we knew it, it was after 4 AM. Robin and I headed for my place and he crashed on my couch.

The morning came quick (insert joke here (insert joke about “insert joke here”, here)). I got Robin back to his car, then headed for the University. It’s 8:23 AM. I was going to meet my advisor to change my major. I’m sure I made quite and impression.

NOTE: I could graduate in May ‘05, but summer ‘05 seems more likely. However I am gonna submit my application for graduation, for May. I can make the change, if need be, later.

I went back home, showered and dressed for work. I nuked my Chinese food leftovers, poured myself a tall glass of water and watched Dr. Phil. I am at work now, till 9 PM. I wonder if anyone wants to go out tonight?

2004-05-23T17:38:00.000-04:00

At work, 10 minutes ago

Me: SHIT!

Stef: What?

Me: I got out of the women’s account, but I did not finish doing what she needed.

Stef: What do you mean?

Me: Was putting these books on hold for this lady and I got rid of her cause she was such a bitch. I had her account up so it would not have been a problem to finish…

Stef: ..unless you got out of her account. What was her name.

Me: I don’t know.

Stef: You were just looking at it.

Me: I was blind with rage. (Stef, laughing at me) I am gonna have to try call her and she already thinks I’m a fuck-up.

Stef: Try to cross-reference her number, and if that doesn’t work try Reference USA.

Me: YEA! Great idea.

Stef: I know.

(I check the cross-reference directory, and Reference USA, no dice)

Me: Fuck, I gotta call her. (dialing) Try not to laugh cause I am gonna be lying my ass off.

(THE PHONE CALL)

Lady: Hello

Me: Hi I was just helping you place some book on hold at the library.

Lady: Yes?

Me: I am sorry to bother you, but could I have you account number again. I was almost done with your request and I got kicked out of the system.

Lady: Oh, well thank you for calling, it’s no problem.

(I get the info I need and hang up)

Me: I wrote down her account number this time.

Stef: And you didn’t sound like a fuck up.

2004-05-22T10:49:00.000-04:00

It’s time for my bank account to take it in the nuts.

Last night I finally turned on the AC in my apartment. I broke down because it was 80 degrees at 10pm. Now I like waking up in a pool of sweat and much as the next guy, but I have had my fill of that the past few mornings.

NOTE: I heard from Mike and Christine yesterday. They are back home and had a great time on their cruise. Mike was quick to remind me that they are still on their honeymoon till Monday, and that he would tell me all about the trip then. That is his nice way of saying, we’re home, safe, but not done makin with the luuuv, so piss off.

2004-05-11T16:55:00.000-04:00

I need to go out drinkin tonight.

2004-05-08T15:25:00.000-04:00

I’d appreciated if you would back da hell out my face about dat

I was in a wedding a few weeks ago and it was very nice, however some of the out of town guest could not stop talking trash about Charlotte. Now these people live in bigger cities and there is more to do and see because of that. But why they gotta crap on my town? I don’t consider myself a native, but I have lived here for 14 years.

The big “problem” most people have said, is the lack of culture. Now the fact there has only been one lesbian queer-core band to visit this year is not enough to make that statement valid. And the other thing people say is that there is nothing to do. To that I retort, last weekend there was the Taste of Charlotte festival, the Gays were out parading and getting civil unions, and the Christians were out protesting the Gays. How much more do you people want? Ok, fine. This weekend there is CityFest Live, and well ok that’s it. But it lasts all weekend. And in June, Skid Row is coming to town.

There are 8 museums, one of them is made of wax, I think. There is one artsy movie theater, how many of those do you need? The fact is that there is really nothing wrong with this town the people that were visiting just had to pump up there own egos by crapping on my town.

Me: We can go to VisArt and get a video.

Visitor: Dude, the VisArt here SUCKS. The one in Chapel Hill is so much better.

THAT GUY HAD NOT LIVED IN CHAPEL HILL FOR LIKE 3 YEARS!

What the fuck?

2004-04-28T13:34:00.000-04:00

Lil’ g all grows up

Lil’ g and Lori got married Saturday, and everything went fine. The black shirt, vest, coat, pants, and silver tie looked allot better than I had thought it would. Even on all of us pale guys. It was a busy weekend for all involved. I was honored to be a groomsman in the wedding. And as one of the few in-town members of the wedding party I tried to do as much as I could to make things easier for Lil’ g and Lori. By the end of the weekend I had doubled the number of names in my cell, given direction more time than I could count, and drank and ate more in two days than in the pervious week.

I dropped the happy couple off at the airport Monday morning, and while they are gone I am going to help them out a little more by taking care of their cats and recording Angel

2004-04-28T13:01:00.000-04:00

I really could use some chapstick

Today while eating a salad outside at 7th Street Station, a woman approached me with a basket of free stuffs. I heard her offer something to the table of construction works 5 feet away, but did not hear what she was giving out. The workers seemed pleased to take the free item so I figured that it was something good, like a tire swing or maybe a chocolate bar or pineapple foot cream. SCORE!!!!!! Burt’s Bees Pineapple foot cream. I asked the girl if she had any chapstick. She replied “no, but this is real great for your feet.” I thanked her for the foot cream and finished my salad.

2004-04-15T10:55:00.000-04:00

Keeping it real

Stef: You know tonight is the season finally of The Apprentice. It’s two-hour so you won’t miss the end.

Me: Well I live so close now that I only miss the recap of last week and a lil’ of the beginning.

Stef: Who do you think is gonna win… I think Bill, that white guy, is gonna win.

Me: I like Kwame more but I don’t think he is gonna win cause he has that crazy bitch on his team.

Stef: Yeah, when she came back to dinner after taking that call why didn’t she tell them what was going on?

Me: Cause she is a crazy bitch. I would have told her that she needs to tell me what is going on. Or I would have fired her ass. That is why Kwame might not win.

Stef: I like reality shows when it’s, realistic. (Stef’s phone rings) You know, not like people falling in love and shit. (answers her phone) Main Library…..

Me: Real shows like The Littlest Groom.

Like a true professional, Stef makes it through her call with out loosing her self in my laughter. Then as soon as she hangs up.

Stef: You suck.

2004-04-08T11:33:00.000-04:00

The Four Horsemen of Morrison

Porkchop, Robin, and Chairman Mike came over last night to check out the new place. Mike and Robin brought the traditional house-warming gift, 40oz malt liquors. I started cooking snacks while Robin put the gifts away and then the guys checked out the rest of my apartment.

We talked and laughed for awhile, then we ate. Jalapeno poppers and tiquitos. What else would I serve with malt liquor? Yes, we did play Tennis 2K2, but there was no name-calling or voices raised in anger. Porkchop dominated the court.

At some point we were talking about movies and I use the description “super-action-awesome”. And then I explained that I am now fluent in Japanese-commercial. We discussed the nipples and other body parts of several actresses. We all like Scarlett Johansson, and we all think Paris Hilton is a skank.

A good time was had by all, except for Paris Hitlon. Because as she reads this post, she now knows that she ain't gonna get none of this (as I smack my ass).

2004-04-07T14:23:00.000-04:00

Peanizzle Butizzle Sanwizzle

MAN! I am all about peanut butter. You know how in coffee commercials they show a person smelling the coffee when they open it? Those people are about as happy about coffee as the Zest people are about soap. Well I am that way about peanut butter.

Opening a new container. After you remove the lid, all that remain between you and that sweet spread, is the vacuum seal. If you can peel that seal back in one solid piece then you will have snatched the pebble from my hand Grasshopper. Once the seal is removed (pieces or solid) you are now faced with the beautiful canvas of good-n-good (noun). I like to cut out as little of the smooth top as possible. After which, looking to the jar is like looking at a Yin Yang. The smooth surface, with the occasional bump ( EXTRA CRUNCHY) is order manifested as a spread (sweet spread). The carved, swirled area shows the chaos waiting to be unleashed. Until sandwich after sandwich the order is destroyed, leaving only beautiful mayhem.

2004-04-05T12:31:00.000-04:00

Final Touch

After shopping at several discount and antique store in town, I found the perfect piece of furniture to complete my apartment. I now have a very nice breakfast table which I am using as my computer desk.

Never Home

I have trouble understanding how I got so busy. Now that I live closer to work and school, I assume that I would have more time. But it feels like I have less and I can't figure out why. Last night it hit me that I have started doing more because everything is so close now. It feels like I am never home. Lucky for me I just paid rent, bought a table, and this months bills should be arriving soon. So being broke ought to keep me at home for a while.

2004-04-01T10:48:00.000-05:00

What could I possibly need from the store at 10PM on a rainy Wednesday night?

12 pack of beer
2 quarts of ice cream (buy one, get one free)
1 bag of salad
1 bottle of salad dressing
1 colander
1 medium measuring cup with easy pour spout
1 ice cream scooper

Duh!

2004-03-31T09:51:00.000-05:00

Ok, ok, I'm the jackass.

So the plan was for James to come over and hangout for a while. I was gonna run to the store and grab some beer before he came over. As I went to my car I realized that I had left me keys in my apt. Luckly I have a spare key in my wallet. "Oh shit!" That is the sound of me reaching for my wallet, and it not being in my pocket. So on the fifth night of being at my apt. I lock myself out.

I walk to James apt. and call a locksmith. $65 later I am back into my apt. and James is walking over to hangout. We just drank tea.

2004-03-30T10:46:00.000-05:00

Ladies, line up to my left of make-outs. Guys, line up to my right for high-fives

Well I have moved from the Batcave to the Fortress of Solitude. James and I spent 2 hours cleaning the place before we ever started moving (James Fucking Rocks!). The prior tenant was a chic with a cat and no desire to clean. It really was not that bad, but I didn't want to move into someone else's funk. I wanted a clean slate to lay my own funk upon.

My brother stayed with me this weekend and he was surprisingly helpful. I had a list of what I needed and we went shopping. He was great cause he'd point out stuff and say "you'll need a cookie sheet so you can cook frozen pizzas, and cookies and stuff", or some other helpful object and purpose. Sometimes he would follow that with "you don't want to wait till you need this, to buy it" (as he throws a plunger into the shopping cart). He was on the money most of the time. And I was handing out the money all of the time. Lucky for me, Mike and Christine, James, and Amy (AKA Juicy Fruit) went in together and got me a gift card to Target. Also I was dog sitting these past 4 days so that was a well timed extra $125. I spent almost two hundred dollars on stuff for the apartment. Does that sound right, or is that overboard?

2004-02-19T13:00:00.000-05:00

I pity the fool that don’t love Mr. T.

One of our nations greatest acting treasures is Mr. T. He played part in my development as a child. I first saw him on Different Strokes. He made a guest appearance as himself and was filming part of a movie in the Drummond residence. When Ms. Garrett mistook Mr. T for a common street tough, and smashed a vase on his head, that brought me to tears. Mr. T, Gary Coleman and old white people, that’s great television. Later I saw Mr. T in the hit movie DC Cab. That movie had profanity, humor, and gratuitous nudity. Thus adding to the growth of my love for cussing, laughing, and boobies. Aaaah, boobies. You may also remember Mr. T as Clubber Lang, in Rocky III. His finest work came into being as he took the role of Sgt. Bosco Albert 'B.A./Bad Attitude' Baracus. That’s right the A-TEAM.

In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they did not commit. They promptly escaped a maximum-security stockade into the Los Angeles Underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they exist as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...

The A-Team.

That is when he became an action hero. As the muscle and driver of that bitchin van for this force for good. He showed me that even tough guys could have weaknesses. You see B.A. was afraid of flying. On many occasions (maybe every show) the team would have to use his love of milk to drug him in order to escape. Oooh but the times he woke up and they were already in the air, LOOK OUT! That’s when B.A. meant Bad Additude. How they kept him from killing Murdock (Capt. H.M. 'Howling Mad' Murdock
), I’ll never know.

Mr. T still had a stronge career after The A-Team. For a while there was Mr. T cereal, “I pity the fool that don’t eat my cereal”. It tasted like the Gremlins cereal, which tasted like C3-PO's cereal. And who can forget the Mr. T cartoon. Only Sargent Slaughter, made as good a transition from live action to animation. But that’s another story.

2004-01-27T15:44:00.000-05:00

Like UNCC during an Ice storm. No class.

Well in this case it was a 3 hour delay which ment no class for me. The whole city kinda shuts down for a day or two each winter. What I dont understand is there are cities that deal with this for weeks and a time and they keep on truckin. And it's not like this is some crazey thing that has never happend before. This happens every winter, or so it seems, the powers that be only have to have a plan for a few days. Why do they drop the ball? Not that I mind missing work, but missing school kinda bugs me. I borrowed allot of money to go to school and I want my moneys worth. Enough of this complaining.

VOTE FOR ME!
I promise to:
-open the city roads and keep this city running.
-to give ever child in this city a balloon.

I'll work on the rest of the platform later.

2004-01-21T14:47:00.000-05:00

THE MATRIX WEDDING

Agent Smith: Do you hear that, Mr. Gower? That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of your Wedding. Goodbye, Mr. Gower.

Lowercase: My name is Lowercase

I am in two weddings this spring. My Brother’s in May and Lowercases' in April. This past weekend Lowercase found the tuxedo he wants for his wedding. As a groomsmen in his wedding, I will be wearing black coat, black vest, black shirt, and a silver tie to match the bridesmaid’s dresses. I don’t know if the tie is bow or bolo. I have started to refer to this as the MATRIX WEDDING. I think my matrix name would be Nutella, as in the original hazelnut spread.

2004-01-14T12:29:00.000-05:00

My friend Kathleen gives her account of the New Years Fight

My friend Claudia tells me that in her family, the saying goes that whatever you're doing at the new year is what you'll be doing all year long. (which is why Aunt Bea always used to spend new year's counting her money.) Mark, for you, I hope that saying ain't true.

I pull up to the house just, I mean *just* in time; the men are already in the ring, warming up to fight. About 20 minutes earlier I had been slurping red wine at a friend's parents' new year's gathering, but I chose to leave their tastefully appointed South Charlotte home with its leather furniture, fancy sausages, and stereo on which Radiohead and Ricky Martin were taking turns. I decided a much better way to end 2003 would be to watch two guys fight. On the side of a highway. In Rock Hill.

The border town provided all the atmosphere one could hope for on fight night: the lottery was at more than $200 million; neighborhood fireworks could be seen in every direction. In the distance people were firing gunshots to ring out the old year. The fight, which somebody told me was a felony if conducted in public, drew honking cheers from several passing trucks. "BOXING!" yelled the people in the U-Haul.

The only folks I knew at the party, apart from the Red Warrior himself, were James and Michael, but the library women were kind enough to let me watch the fight with them. Here's what I remember about it: The referee had a hat, scarf, and cigarette. The boxers did good. They bobbed and weaved and circled, sometimes seeming off balance but then suddenly lunging at each other. I had no idea who was winning. There was music sometimes, and sometimes silence. People were clustering together. Mark was bloody but unbowed. Drunk passersby showed up to fight the winner. After the fight an impromptu wrestling match broke out off to the side, and one of those guys was wrestling with a cigarette in his mouth.

The boxing action I sometimes didn't look directly at; I'm squeamish about hand-to-hand combat of any kind, except maybe thumb war. And I don't really know what it would mean if I did find pleasure in seeing Mark get punched in the face, gut, kidney, etc. But the event was something I'll not soon forget--standing in South Carolina cold, watching Mark box a marine in the last hour of the last day of 2003.

2004-01-09T15:49:00.000-05:00

Sooooo Boooorwing

Some days I am amazed at how slow it is at the library. Today the high lights include a homeless woman hitting on a female coworker, and when I said “malodorous vaginal discharge”, to a woman on the phone. The rest of today has been like waiting to die. I am looking forward to the nonstop life I lead while in school. That starts Monday.

2004-01-07T10:04:00.000-05:00

I’m all-right, don’t nobody worry bout me.

I’m 29 years old today. I share this birthday with the rock legend Kenny Loggins, and the world famous actor, Dustin Diamond (“Screech” from SAVED BY THE BELL and SAVED BY THE BELL: The New Class). Dustin is also 29 today. Clearly I am in bad company (by bad I mean good, you know like the kids say). I was never a fan of the Saved by the Bell series, but thanks to my friend; Jewboy, I saw more episodes then I care to admit. After school there was a block of two hours of Saved by the Bell, which spanned three different channels. Jewboy and his sisters watched these two hours of television greatness every weekday. So many of the times I went over to his house I had to endure the last few minutes of the show. I had learned the hard way about the BLOCK of BELL. After that I would not call or go over till it was over.

Kenny Loggins’ music was (is) something I did (do) enjoy. His music was like a gateway drug that could take you from pop-rock to lite-hits. Like a highway to the danger zone, his music led me to Richard Marx. This is the cross that I bare. Cursed with bad tasty in music.

2004-01-05T12:40:00.000-05:00

Interview with The Librarian Barbarian

I took some time to talk with The Librarian Barbarian (PLCMC), about the Thrilla in Rockhilla. His fight on New Year’s Eve, against Lt. HighLife (USMC). The fight lasted for three, one minute rounds, when the Librarian Barbarian threw in the towel after the third round.

dutch69: Thank you for taking time out of you busy schedule, to speak with me.

Librarian Barbarian: No problem, I am happy to be here.

dutch69: Lets cut right to it. Why fight?

Librarian Barbarian: Because I could and no one else would.

dutch69: That is the dumbest reason for doing something I have ever heard. That even beats “everyone else is doing it”.

Librarian Barbarian: I know but I am always telling my friends that they should try, even though they know the outcome. I guess I was just putting my kidney where my mouth is.

dutch69: Was there a point in the fight when you thought that you could win?

Librarian Barbarian: During the first round I moved around allot and Lt. HighLife was missing me with his heavy hits. I could see those coming and move out of the way. When he would throw the heavy hits he left himself open for me. I did not think I could win but I knew that I could hit him.

dutch69: During the second round. What was with the monkey dance?

Librarian Barbarian: It was not a monkey dance. Lt. HighLife had swung low, too low, and I was showing him the area that he should be swinging at. I know that he was not trying to hit me low, but I thought that I should clarify the target.

dutch69: How did round two compare to round one?

Librarian Barbarian: Round two was when Lt. HighLife really came out swinging. He was nice enough to take it easy during the first round. We both wanted to make it a good show for the crowd, and he did not want to take me out in the first round.

dutch69: So you are saying that the fight was fixed.

Librarian Barbarian: No, I’m saying that he waited till the second round to start really beating on me.

dutch69: What happen to the anger ball, that people were talking about. You didn’t ever go nuts. That is what I had come to see. That is what we all came to see.

Librarian Barbarian: Well first of all that is what I did not want to happen. Because I would have gotten beaten down even more so. Lt. HighLife is stronger and in better shape. If I turned it up he would have turned it up also. That would have had the same outcome, but with more injuries, and we might not have walked away smiling.

dutch69: The third round was the only round were you really did anything. Then you quit.

Librarian Barbarian: We were both tired that round. But I knew something Lt. HighLife didn’t.

dutch69: What’s that?

Librarian Barbarian: This would be the last round. I only did anything that round because I wanted to end it swinging. He was probably expecting me to do about as little or less then I had in the earlier round. That is the only reason I got those few hit in during the third round. He sprang to life pretty quick and finished the round swinging.

dutch69: So if you knew that you would not win, why did you fight only to quit after the third round?

Librarian Barbarian: That is as long as I promised myself that I had to last. The beating could have been allot worse and I still would have tried to stay through the third round. I’m glad that it was not worse.

dutch69: Do you have any words of advise for the young readers out there?

Librarian Barbarian: Stay in school. Violence is not the answer, unless you are the Government of the United States. Never plan events while drinking.

See the fight at Michaelcosm.com.

More details about the fight at 42short.

2003-12-06T12:22:00.000-05:00

CONGRATULATIONS, HOWARD AND GWEN! THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED TODAY!

2003-12-06T12:17:00.000-05:00

Call you later

I met Tiffany and her friend Jessica at Celebration Station, to do the batting cages. Tiff and I had ran into each other uptown, earlier this week and I found out that she was gonna be leaving the country. So I decided that we should do something together. Usually when we run into each other we talk for a bit and catch up, then exchange contact info, but never call each other. Nothing wrong with us hanging out, it’s just that we both work and go to school so there is little time for 4th of 5th string friendships. What do I mean by “4th or 5th string friend ship”? Glad you asked.

We all know a lot of people, but we only like some of them. That “some” we like is the group we would like to be friends with. There is not enough free time to be good friends with all of these people. Thus we must figure out who we would like most to spend our time with. Or we can be friends with lots of people but most of the friendships only have a hint of involvement. Now let me state that the following is not necessarily valid with respect to family, girl/boy friend, husband/wife, or what ever you call that special someone. However it is possible that some of the above could be included

Definition of key term:
Involvement: the amount of emotion attached to an individual in addition to the amount actual knowledge you have about that individual. E + K = I

I have broken down these levels of involvement in to strings. This is a cold, rational measurement of involvement with individuals. You should keep in mind that this is all relative to me.

1st String: These are the people you want to see and spend time with, and have an emotional attachment to, the most. These are the people that know you, and who know you, the best. Small Group

2nd String: These people are the same as 1st string, but they live far from you. These people would be 1st string but they live in another city or state. Small Group

3rd String: These are the people that you enjoy spending time, and have very casual attachment to. They are fun and you care, but you are not too involved. Big Group

4th String: These are the people that you know, but don’t know really well. This is the stage you are at when you first meet an individual. Big Group

5th String: These are people that you have met but only see in passing. You have little to no contact after the first meeting. Big Group

With me recent change to a new job at a new location, I have found that I have left many of my 1st string friends behind. We try to get together but it is harder now. The crappy thing is that, it is my schedule that is the problem, and I can’t do much about it.

2003-12-02T14:28:00.000-05:00

It’s fucking coffee

Loud lady: Oooooo, WHITE chocolate moca.

She orders then lingers in front of the order counter reading aloud each little item.

Loud lady: Chocolate covered GRAHAM crackers. CINNIMON twists. CRANBERRY muffins.

She kept putting emphasis on one word, as if it was a magical new discovery. The clerk gives me the nod to move up and give my order. I do so and the lady just slowly moves away as I order over/around her. I pay and get CLEAR.

Loud lady: Let’s see how you guys measure up. (long pause, then as if announcing the winner for best actor) I’m from Seattle.

This herald silences the shop. Well nobody was talking before.

Clerk: Nobody’s as good as Seattle. They have forgotten more then will ever know.

So here’s the thing. It’s hot milk mixed with strong coffee and different artificial flavors, not the translation of the Dead Sea Scrolls. Maybe the problem is that I have not cultivated a taste for such things. I lack the palate to note the difference.

2003-12-01T11:02:00.000-05:00

Jonny and Elizabeth are moved into their new home.

I arrive to find the Boomerangs hard at work. Jonny was painting and Elizabeth was unpacking the stuff she had brought over that day. I offer to help but there is little for me to do at this point, except organize their pantry. Not gonna happen. I suggested that they just eat their way through all the stuff in the pantry till it is at level that could be organized. They quickly asked me if I was hungry and offered crackers, Crystal Light mix, and cake-decoration-sprinkles. I was not hungry.

The next day Jonny and I went out to get a rental truck and a few odds and ends while Elizabeth kept working on unpacking and waited for the work force to arrive. Once everyone had arrived we set out for the Apartment the Boomerangs have been living in for the last few months. It took one hour to load up the vehicles and empty the apartment. We unloaded at the house almost as quick. Then half the group (the men folk) set out for the storage. That took two trips, but we knocked it out quick. Those that needed to go went and those that could stay helped with odds and ends. Jonny and Howard where working of the washer and dryer, while Elizabeth and Gwen emptied boxes. I was lazy and laid on the floor out of the way of everyone. After a bit the guys moved out to the garage and started to organize all the stuff that had no home. I was hypnotized by the cable TV. I helped out a little but I think that after the big part of the move was over I was useless. Not because they couldn’t use me, I was just lazy. During the move there is a clear goal. Move items from point A to point B, this I can do. Arranging other people’s stuff is not something I do well. Because I’m gonna do it my way, if nobody tells me how they want it done, and I can’t stop Elizabeth every 2 minutes and ask, “where do you want to put the CD racks?” So being lazy is the simple answer for me.

I headed home the next day after we hung some window blinds. The holiday traffic was not to bad. I plan to go up to see them in January. This time nobody will be moving.

2003-11-28T14:57:00.000-05:00

Living the dream

I had Showmars for breakfast and lunch.

I did this for 15 minutes today, while I was at work.

Watched about 15 Strong Bad emails, while I was at work.

Tom dropped by and said hi, while I was at work.

After work I am headed to Raleigh to help Jonny and Elizabeth move into their new home.

2003-11-25T15:43:00.000-05:00

My First Rodeo

As Juicy Fruit and I walk up to the event center, I be come very aware of how much fun this night is gonna be. The first clue was the enormous SPAM MOBILE, one of tonight’s sponsors. We got in line to buy our tickets and I had about 15 “funny” things to say right off the bat. But I did not want to be a close-minded asshole; yet, so I said nothing. We entered the event center and I was immediately drawn to the big John Dear belt buckle. James, you would have wept. Juicy Fruit and I explored the other items for sale, including: fake bad teeth, cowboy hats, belts, purses, many different cowboy related T-shirts, and at least one toy whip. We bought nothing, but I think Juicy Fruit should have bought a hat. We walk into the event room and the smell hits me like a… well like a room that smells like shit. I guess I made a face, because Juicy Fruit laughed at me for a second. We found some seats and began to people watch. We pointed out the more amusing people to each other. Such as the kids with fake bad teeth, and little kids in cowboy or cowgirl outfits. The rodeo started with a freedom speech, prayer, and the national anthem. A girl rode out on a horse holding the American Flag, then the anthem began. I was impressed that the horse had been trained to straighten up, sticking it’s head and tail up, for the anthem. Then I notice that it was just taking a shit.

The rodeo events were all very fun and entertaining to me. In fact I was surprised by the lack of enthusiasm in the rest of the crowd. I paid 16 bucks for this show, I am gonna have fun. But perhaps much of what dazzled me is very normal for the other folks in the audience. Or maybe it was the side show that started in the seats next to me toward the end of the rodeo. The side show was two guys (one high school age and the other could have been the same or older) talking to these two young girls (at best 14 years old, maybe younger). It was weird because of the awkward line of questioning, and the differences in the ages between the guys and girls. I admired the guy’s guts, for trying to talk to the girls, but the age thing really made me and Juicy Fruit laugh. In the end, the guys could not get the girls numbers, nor would the girls take their numbers. The shoot down led an even more awkward exit by the guys. It was all but a run from the situation.

Juicy Fruit and I ended the night with a few rounds of drinks at the Flying Saucer.

2003-11-16T14:18:00.000-05:00

PAR-TAY!

Big G and I role up to Sherry’s apartment and the first thing one of us says, as we look at Sherry’s balcony is, “great, sausage-fest”. That means there are a lot of guys and few girls. Jenny answers the door and greets us with smiles and welcomes, Sherry pops up quick with hugs and tells us where to put the beer we brought. I explain to the few people I know, that my voice is kinda gone. Each one of them just laughs at me, then does a sad little aaaw and pats me on the shoulder or back. Later Sherry introduces me to her sister, and explains that “he lost his voice and he always has something funny to say”. I just laugh and say nothing. Big G and I drink and talk to Jenny and her guy (sorry I don’t remember his name) for a bit then Jenny asks if we want any Sakae. My voice work perfect when I say the words SHIT YEAH! After the shot I go back to Big G and we shift around the room just talking to each other and drinking. Some of the folks have begun to salsa dance. Big G turns to me and says you know I was gonna learn to salsa, but I learned how to save the lives of babies instead. After I stop myself from spitting beer up from laughter, I tell him that, that should be his line/icebreaker. Because he never used it and therefore cannot prove me wrong, I’ll go on the record and say, that is the best line ever and the ladies would have just been throwin their underwear at him. I don’t know how much time pasted but Big G and I were both ready to go out. We say our good byes and then head out the door. After a stop at James’ place to bug him, we go to the Penguin, then later to Athens Restaurant, for a bite to eat.

Disclaimer: I really liked Sherry’s party, I would go again. I just could not be me with my fucked up voice. So that is why I did not score with all the babes. I don’t know about any of the other guys.

2003-11-13T14:08:00.000-05:00

A cross-section book of me!

So I get home from my Wednesday night class, just in time for Smallville. That’s right I watch The WB. Fuck-off I don’t have cable. So I’m watching this show, and it opens with this guy getting hurt, head trauma. This biker guy smashed a snowglobe on the other guys head, thus causing the head trauma. Well the hurt guy went to the hospital and was receiving a MRI. While he is in the machine the thing goes crazy and electrocutes the guy. He lived and now has super powers.

This morning I when for a CT Scan . I was not electrocuted, and so of course I didn’t get any super powers. I didn’t even get a sticker that says “Be nice to me, I got radiated”. You know like when you give blood. Man, they hook you up when you give blood. Juice, cookies, sometimes a t-shirt, with a flag or something.

2003-11-10T09:55:00.000-05:00

He can’tit can’tit can’tit can’tit uh- ssuhwing batta!

So Big G is in town and I decided that we should go to the batting cages. We went to Celebration Station, and it took about 5 steps too many to get gear and tokens for the cages but I felt it was worth it in the end. As we waited in line to return the equipment and get back our IDs, I noticed that the robot animal band was playing Dixie and that one of the robots had a confederacy, civil war hat on. Then I notice that the majority of the clientele was African American. I was looking forward to sharing this bit of irony with Big G as soon at we stepped out of the fun station. But he beat me to it. I’ll let you guess about all the off color jokes that followed.

PART OF A CONVERSATION FROM A FEW WEEKS AGO
Me: Aaaah, so many emotions.

James: Both of them (with a laugh).

Me: Yes, hate and sorrow (more laughter).

2003-11-03T12:24:00.000-05:00

Keep it down now, voices carry.

Day five of my steroid use and people still call me ma’am. Lucky I have not noticed an increase in appetite or acne. Oh, and my nuts aren’t shirking yet either. I used a caliper to measure. I think that I will call my doctor and see if he could prescribe a placebo for me as I have begun to wonder if this is psychosomatic. Actually I know that it is not, the camera shoved down my throat showed me the problem. What I am wondering is if there is an answer. Maybe I am gonna talk like Harvey Pekar for the rest of my life. The doctors all like that “give it some time” bullshit. WHAT THE FUCK!?

2003-10-31T09:30:00.000-05:00

Crazy like a Michael J. Fox

These are some of the thoughts I have had in the past 24 hours.

Your gonna stick that camera where? (Seeing the ears nose and throat specialist)

Hey Doc how about a mint after lunch next time. (Seeing the ears nose and throat specialist)

It all looks the same to me. You’re the doctor. (Looking at the inside of my throat on a TV, while the doctor asks me questions)

$399 for an apartment. (Driving)

Oh I can’t live there my car is waaay to sexy. (Driving)

I would rather have pain than all this can’t talk shit. (Random)

To much going on, can’t keep tract of all the freaks. OH GOD, what is up with this guy? (Waiting for prescription at Wal-Mart)

While I am on steroids this week, I should work out a lot. (Random)

Hey, a Chic-fil-a. (Driving)

Why do they always have to give me so much ice? (Leaving Chic-fil-a)

She looks cuu… oh, never mind. (At work)

I’ll be so glad when people can tell that I’m a sir and not a miss. (On the phone at work)

That tiger can smell me, I know it, I know it, I know it, I know it. (Dream that woke me)

2003-10-30T13:10:00.000-05:00

Glass is half full kinda guy

So here is a quick check on the things going on in my life. Crappy things. I got dumped, I have been losing my voice for almost 4 weeks, I don’t know how to do my lab for my JAVA class, I haven’t seen my friends from my old job for 2 weeks, and I still feel like a loner at my new job, because I don’t know as many people here. On the plus side I just saw my doctor, and he gave me a drugs prescription, and a referral to see a “specialist”. I just got the drugs and I’ll see the “specialist” later today. Although I felt shitty last week, the getting dumped thing has pretty much blown over (hello hot chics at school). My Java lab is not due for another 2 weeks. As soon as I have a voice, I’ll be well enough to hang with the old gang. The loner thing, I should also be able to change as soon as I have a voice. Right now I assume that everyone that I see but don’t know must think I am some kind of brooding loner by choice. I mean think about it, I have not had a voice the whole time I have worked here. And tomorrow night (ALL HALLOWS EVE) I’ll get to hang with my brother, Christine, James, Juicefruit, and a few others. Things could be a lot worse.

NOTE: Big G did not kill anyone either. (seen previous post)
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2003-10-23T15:30:00.000-04:00

I have never killed anyone

The other night I had to talk Big G down from a mountain of self-hate. He is not really one of those kinds of people, but if he does something that he does not like he will beat the hell out of himself. This is because he is the good guy. Not so much that he always does the right thing. It’s more that he rarely does the wrong thing. In fact, in this case he had done nothing wrong, he had just convinced himself he had. My question to you (the reader) is; are you a good person? Why or why not? Is it because you are one of the chosen people or is it because can be honest and say things like “I wouldn’t pee on you if you hair was on fire”? Or is it because you don’t believe in a god, or just try to “live right”? What is it that makes you a good person or a bad person? Feel free to answer me in an email or in your blog. If you blog link to me and give a brother a hit.

2003-10-20T12:10:00.000-04:00

Hard at work.

2003-10-17T00:26:00.000-04:00

Kelly: We need to talk.

Yep, those words say it all. This conversation took place last night on the phone. The whole conversation was spoken in a conversational tone. No yelling, no drama, or any other bullshit. I admit that I was not totally surprised but still… well, I’ll just continue.

Me: OK. What’s on your mind?

(Long silent pause)

Me: There is no point in not saying anything. I have assumed the worst, so you might as well just say what’s on you mind.

K: I don’t think this will work….I don’t think that you are someone I could be married to. (for the record, I did not purpose to her, this how she thinks) I don’t see us as being right for each other. I don’t just talk (Kelly code for early stages of dating) to anyone, but I think that we would not make a good marriage. (the rest of this part is kinda redundant)…..

Me: Well I want to say first of all that I respect your decision. I have not called you the past few days because I felt like you needed time to think about things. My only retort is, how can you know that we would not make a good marriage when you never let us just be a couple? I know you don’t have an answer for that, and I know that I don’t have to have an answer. I have a great deal of respect for you and I believe that you have to do what is best for you. I don’t like your decision, but I respect it.

K: I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.

Me: Well I can’t help you figure that out.

K: What do you want me to do?

Me: What do you mean?

K: Is there anything you want me to do?

Me: Let’s get a few things clear. You know how I feel about you and that can’t change in a split second. Because I respect your decision I will not be calling you. With that said, I hope that you don’t erase my number from your phone. You may call me if you want, but don’t call me for that lets hang and have beer stuff. You know how I feel and I will not be just a friend. I deserve better than that.

K: Ok

(Long silent pause)

Me: I hope you have a good night.

K: You too.

Me: Good Bye

K: Bye

2003-10-14T11:28:00.000-04:00

Lost in my own Funk

This passed weekend I was in a major funk. Not the large afro, porn star mustache kinda funk, but a waste of skin kinda funk. I just did not fit in my own space. I wanted to do something but I didn’t want to do anything. Now it is true that I was feeling a bit under the weather. But being sick does not usually funk me out that much. On the other hand, rainy days and Mondays always get me down. I don’t think I came out of the funk till lunchtime on Monday. I ate my mini cooler full of mixed veggies, down in the depths of the Main library (the area know as the break room). No windows, dim lights, and bland food. Did I mention that this waste of skin was eating solo. So 15 minutes later I finished what I was gonna eat and decide to go for a walk.

Because it has been overcast this past week and I have been in hiding, when I stepped out into the light I must have recoiled like a vampire from the sun. I was blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douse. After I regained myself I walk down to the CHECK-IT OUTLET (a small branch of the library system about 8 blocks south of the Main branch). I have driven down these streets an unknown amount of times. But I had not really walked around down there. I made it to the CHECK-IT OUTLET, high on dirty city air and damaging UV rays. Here I found myself in a pool of nerdy-ness. Comic books barely touched by the public. I found the latest issues of the Comics I read, and several back issues I have never seen. With a fist full of nerd, I walked back to Main. Invigorated by my trip, I had a wonderful after noon. Yea me!

2003-10-13T09:51:00.000-04:00

Craven Melon

So it looks like I am gonna be a vegetarian for a little while. Kelly wants to “clean out her system of impurities”. So she decided that she was gonna only eat raw or steamed veggies and drink water and juice, for and unknown amount of time. So I offered to help her through this by joining the plan (I am such a great guy. Will somebody tell her?). She was surprised that I was willing to do this and then she grilled me about all the things she is not gonna eat. I think she was trying to see if I would cave-in. To tell the truth, no beer is gonna be harder then no beef. So anyway this started Friday the 10th, and I had plans that night. I had dinner out with Michael, Ed, and Sam before we went to see KILL BILL. I had the veggie combo, which was better than a cheeseburger but not quite as strict as what Kelly had in mind. I did turned down having a beer after the show with the guys. Earlier that day I had eaten 2 apples and a pack of Lance crackers. That was breakfast and lunch. But I still did not go home hungry. So anyway I spent the weekend at home watching movies and eating cantaloupe. What a sad sad world I have created.

2003-09-26T12:18:00.000-04:00

Been Shoppin?

I just got a new job within the library system. It will require me to wear a tie, at least for the first few weeks. I only own one tie now so I went shopping yesterday with Kelly. We did not really find anything that I was willing to spend my hardly earned money on, so we decide to head back to her place to hang out for a little bit before I had to go to work (still at “old job” and I don’t really know when I will start the “new job”). In the car (sexy) I start this.

Me: You want kids?

Kelly: (looks at me kinda surprised)

Me: Not today! Just eventually, you know?

K: Well I thought I did. I mean a year or two ago I was all about the wanting the husband and family thing but now..... I think I’m too selfish.

Me: (I look at her kinda surprised)

K: I wanted 6 boys and 1 girl, I mean from out of my body. That’s not counting foster kids or something like that.

Me: Wow!?

K: I had names and all kinds of stuff figured out. What about you do you want kids?

Me: Yep. I don’t have a number or anything but I have a name I like...for a daughter.

(We talked about names for another 2 minutes when she said)

K: What do you think about the name Saffron?

Me: What like for a stripper? (I asked with a laugh)

She did not talk to me again, till we got to her house.